Adoption Training Day!

Today was a great blessing to us.  We sat through several speakers at our adoption training and we finish up tomorrow.  The training was so encouraging..we heard from many different people..two of the people  had been adopted as children and a family came in that has adopted two children.  We also heard from an attorney and a Bethany social worker.  The testimonies were amazing.  I am in awe of the parallel between the concept of adoption and how God adopts us into His family when we accept Him as our Savior.  At the point of salvation, we become His adopted son or daughter and we get all the privileges of being an heir of Christ!  Incredible.  All the promises in the Bible are ours and His riches are ours when Christ becomes our Father.  I am still asking Him to show me what this all means!

We learned so much today.  One of the biggest things with domestic adoptions these days is that they are moving towards more of an "open relationship" rather than a "confidential, closed" situation.  There are varying degrees of openness..the minimum requirement by Bethany Christian Services is that we provide pictures and a letter about our child once a year for the BirthMom.  Many families are going well beyond this though and keeping in touch via email and even having visits with the biological family.  It was stressed how important it is for a child to know their story about where they came from- whether it was a good situation or a bad situation- they need to know (always on an age-appropriate level)!  Children can often carry a misconception that they weren't loved if they were placed for adoption but the opposite is true- it is out of great love that a Mother sacrifices raising her child in order to find a better family situation for that child. 

Another point that was made is that it is important not to share with others all the details about your child's birthstory until the child knows first.  It would be painful for the child if they learned any of that information from someone other than their adoptive parents.  It was suggested to start telling them the story from birth (at that point- it's more for the parents to get comfortable sharing it, rather than the baby!) but it sets in motion that sharing of truth about where they came from.

One of the speakers spoke on parenting and he explained that one of the important parts of disciplining our children other than boundaries and consequences is setting a good example in the way we conduct ourselves.  We've all heard this before but WOW! that really popped out at me and I know God had that for me to hear.  If my behavior is lacking self-control and I am acting undisciplined, what am I teaching my kids?  Ouch.  I get exasperated watching my daughter with her drama-infused-displays of emotion and I am literally watching myself played out!  God help me. :)

There are 40 couples on the waiting list with Bethany right now in VA.  We are getting ready to start making our family profile which is like a scrapbook about our family that will be shown to the BirthMoms that come through the Bethany offices.  There are three offices in VA.  Our profile will be shown at all three offices to the Moms who match our criteria.  We also have the option to put our profile online so that Moms in other states could see us too.  This is an exciting process!  I am so comforted knowing that God knows exactly who are baby is and holds all the details in His perfect plan for our family.  I am so glad He is writing our story.

Beginning Our 9th Year Together

Tuesday was our 8 Year Anniversary!  We celebrated with flowers, cards, and a piece of German Chocolate Cake (Bob's favorite).  We have special plans for the weekend along with our adoption training.  I am looking forward to it all.

8 years of marriage blows my mind!  I know that God is the glue that is holding us together.  We have grown so much in Christ together since we got married.  I was very young in the Lord when we said our marriage vows (only about 2 years old in the Lord)....it is a blessing to look back at all the Lord has done....7 new children...4 here with us, 2 in heaven, and 1 to be adopted..  It is exciting to think of all He is going to do!!   I am amazed at the husband the Lord has given me.  I am so blessed.

Never Can Get Enough

I don't know when this started to happen but I'm in this place where deep down I just don't feel satisfied...there is a hunger for more of God but an inability to be completely quenched.....it's like I'm at the service at church and I don't want the worship to end...........the Word is opened and I don't want it to close...........I could go on there forever...but we must eat..and we must sleep..and these bodies are so weak.  And many things need tended to.  But if only we could stay a little while longer...

The War Raging Between The Spirit & Flesh

Being a Christian isn't easy..following Jesus is a dying to self daily....saying no to our flesh and yes to the Spirit's leading in our lives.  Before I came to Christ life was a mess and I was on my way to hell, but it seemed more simple.  I was dead in my sins and lived by my sinful nature.  It completely controlled me.  When I accepted Jesus at 26, his Holy Spirit came and took residence inside me..I can no longer sin like I used to..when I do, I grieve the Holy Spirit and He convicts me to stop..to go another way...His light doesn't mix with the darkness.

The thing is..that sinful nature or what is called the "flesh" will never be gone until we go to be with Jesus if we believe on Him.  And so there is a daily struggle and I want to please my heavenly Father but there is that pull from the flesh that tries to drag me away.  Our flesh has a hearty appetite that seeks to be satisfied in many different ways.  In the end though we will be hungry again..Jesus is the only One who can completely satisfy the longings deep within us. 

We need Him every day to walk out this Christian life.  We can't even be Christians without God's help.  He is the author and finisher of our salvation and everything in between.  He is waiting each day to give us more grace.  He wants to help us in our times of need.  Sometimes our flesh is so strong and we can't bear up from under it.  Maybe we don't even want to.  But that is when we need to fall on our knees to our heavenly Father and ask Him to give us the desire to not satisfy our flesh and to only please Him.  He will do that in us!  He is stronger and more powerful than our sin nature and if we run to Him, He will give us a way out.  As a Christian, I am no longer in bondage to my sin nature so I don't have to live anymore like I am!!!!!!!!!

He is so faithful.  He is our strongtower.  He keeps us from falling into a snare.  He gently guides us and warns us.  If only we will listen to his still, small voice...and not ignore him.

What Are We So Afraid Of??????

One of the hardest things about being a Christian is to share the good news about Jesus with the people in our lives.  We shrink back from it because we are afraid of rejection..or maybe we aren't that emotionally close with someone in our lives and talking about where they are spiritually is deeper and closer than we want to be or go with them....it all points back to us focusing on ourselves and our own discomfort.

But Jesus wants us to fix our gaze on Him and not look at anything else.  He wants to tear down the walls in our lives and He wants us to share our relationship with Him with others so that they will believe and be saved!!  Lord, please give me boldness with my dear neighbors...people who you love and died for and need your grace in their lives!

Here's the words to another Casting Crowns song that resonates in my heart today:
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HERE I GO AGAIN

Father, hear my prayer
I need the perfect words
Words that he will hear
And know they're straight from You
I don't know what to say
I only know it hurts
To see my only friend slowly fade away

So maybe this time I'll speak the words of life
With Your fire in my eyes
But that old familiar fear is tearing at my words
What am I so afraid of?

'Cause here I go again
Talkin' bout the rain
And mulling over things that won't live past today
And as I dance around the truth
Time is not his friend
This might be the last chance to tell him that
You love him
But here I go again, here I go again

Lord, You love him so, You gave Your only Son
If he will just believe; he will never die
But how then will he know what he has never heard
Lord he has never seen mirrored in my life............
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Lord, give me the grace to live for you today...to burn brightly for you and please burn away anything in me that is not of you--please crucify my flesh--as painful as it is--please remove it.

Ripples Emanating from Tennessee...

Something profound I have been pondering are the ripples that are emanating from that week Antonis and I spent in TN with the team from our church.  It was only one week of our summer but the lives that were touched, the new relationships that were formed, and the changes in our hearts will go well beyond that week.  Knowing God there will be ripples that will go on into Eternity.

Besides God calling me out of my comfort zone since I have been back, He has also given me this incredible HUNGER for more of Him!  One morning the hunger was so strong it was painful.  I am thirsty for Him and feel parched and dry...I need more of His living water!!  It's time to be on my face in prayer..to fast...to read and read in His Word until I hear from Him again!  God is so faithful..if we seek Him He will satisfy our desires for more of Him.  He does not leave His children hungry.

Jesus says, "Come To Me"...

Each morning the first thing I read is that particular day's devotion by Oswald Chambers from his book My Utmost For His Highest.  They are short readings but very deep and often I am completely stumped and don't even understand what he is trying to say.  But today's devotion really spoke to me..it resonated in my heart with what God has already been showing me.  Here's what he wrote:

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Where sin and sorrow stops, and the song of the saint starts.  Do I really want to get there?  I can right now.  The questions that truly matter in life are remarkably few, and they are all answered by these words- "Come to Me."  Our Lord's words are not, "Do this, or don't do that", but- "Come to me." If I will simply come to Jesus, my real life will be brought into harmony with my real desires.  I will actually cease from sin, and will find the song of the Lord beginning in my life.

Have you ever come to Jesus?  Look at the stubbornness of your heart.  You would rather do anything than this one simple childlike thing- "Come to me."  If you really want to experience ceasing from sin, you must come to Jesus.

Jesus Christ makes Himself the test to determine your genuineness.  Look how He used the word come.  At the most unexpected moments in your life there is the whisper of the Lord- "Come to Me," and you are immediately drawn to Him.  Personal contact with Jesus changes everything.  Be "foolish" enough to come and commit yourself to what He says.  The attitude necessary for you to come to Him is one where your will has made the determination to let go of everything and deliberately commit it all to Him.

"......and I will give you rest"- that is, "I will sustain you, causing you to stand firm."  He is not saying, "I will put you to bed, hold your hand, and sing you to sleep."  But, in essence He is saying, "I will get you out of bed- out of your listlessness and exhaustion, and out of your condition of being half dead while you are still alive.  I will penetrate you with the spirit of life, and you will be sustained by the perfection of vital activity."  Yet we become so weak and pitiful and talk about "suffering" the will of the Lord!  Where is the majestic vitality and the power of the Son of God in that?
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This devotion really speaks to me..that I need to keep coming to Him.  That my eyes must remain fixed on Him.  Since the trip to TN the Lord has been calling me to do some new things..to make some changes.  Much of it is out of my comfort zone.  If I stare at the waves, I can become immobolized.  I must gaze at Him...it's the only way..I must keep watching Him standing there with His hand reaching out to me.  I'm coming Lord...

Everything's Electric

Electric...that is the word that comes to mind when I think of my life in Christ...it's like the electricity is turned on and there is a current running through my veins.  I feel ALIVE...I feel like my life has purpose...I feel satisfaction deep in my soul...

And the electricity is running through my marriage too..because my husband is also plugged into the energy source ...and then God does this beautiful thing and He uses us for His purposes together...and then our marriage is alive in Christ too!  What an amazing thing.

Learning To Trust Him More

God is doing a good work in my life right now!  He is putting things on my heart and teaching me to obey Him.  Often times it's so hard to do..it's wonderful when we hear the Lord's voice and KNOW that He has called us to something specific.  The hard part comes with walking it out.  We start to get hit with thoughts that question our decision and it can be tough to follow through with what the Lord wants us to do!

God clearly confirmed to me last Wednesday that he wants me hanging with the youth on Wednesday nights for the summer.  I had that peace that passes all understanding and knew it was His will.  Yesterday night was a little more difficult..I am definitely out of my comfort zone!  My son attends the youth group but I am certainly not going to sit right beside him.  He is 13 and definitely heading down the road to manhood.  So I sat on the other side of the room and just soaked up the scene.  There is alot going on with the young people and the Lord has already put a few of the girls on my heart.  I am just wondering how I am going to be able to reach them?  I am going to just have to keep my gaze fixed on Him.  If He called me here, he will open a way.  It's just hard to see it right now.  But God sees it!  He sees it all..the beginning from the end.  So amazing!

Time to Grow

The TN trip has led to some exciting changes in our lives.  For one, Antonis has more of an understanding of what it means to serve others.  In the week since we've been back God has provided a couple of opportunities for him to be of help to other adults in our lives.  I have a new perspective too- older kids need to stay connected with the family as they get older.  I know they grow and mature and become independent but God has an important role for them as they grow up.  For example when I go to a friend's house for a playdate with the younger kids; he needs to come with!  The younger kids love him and the other grownups can minister to him.  He can be a blessing to the other family too. 

The Lord also confirmed to me that he wants me over with the youth group on Wednesday nights at our church.  I know that God used the TN trip to soften my heart towards the youth.  He showed me that the youth are hungry for God and need to be discipled.  They need Godly influence in their lives.  God wants to use me to reach them for Christ...to share my relationship with Jesus.   

Jesus Changed My Life..Again

My heart can hardly contain what God is doing in me.  My life changed during the trip to TN and as each day goes by I am making different decisions and responding to situations and people differently and feeling different!!!!!!!!!!!!  The difference is the Lord.  When we are obedient to His calling and step out of our comfort zones He meets us there and we are forever changed.  I keep asking myself..ok..how long is this going to last..when are things going to revert back to what they were???  But the truth is..things are not going back!  I am in a new place with my relationship with Jesus and it's for keeps.  His Spirit is flowing through me in a new MIGHTY & CRAZY way and I don't ever want it to stop.  It's been so overwelming at times (lots of emotions and tears..unable to eat) but I know that God is enlarging my heart and this is going to be my "New Norm".  Praise be to God!!!!!!!!!!!! 

God is SO POWERFUL...........these bodies can hardly fathom or contain his greatness.  If we were to behold Him in all his POWER & MIGHT in these physical bodies, we would immediately DIE.  These bodies cannot handle Him in his complete radiance.  I can only imagine what it will like to have my glorified body and to walk and talk with Him.  O God...it will be an amazing day.  The day I live for.  The day I hope for.   

CONFESS SIN+ACCEPT JESUS+READ HIS WORD+PRAYER+OBEY HIS CALLINGS+CONNECTED WITH OTHERS=ABUNDANT LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!