I Love This Song

Already There by Casting Crowns

From where I'm standing
Lord, it's so hard for me to see
Where this is going
And where you're leading me
I wish I knew how
All my fears and all my questions
Are going to play out
In a world I can't control

When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there

From where You're standing
Lord, You see a grand design
That You imagined
When You breathed me into life
And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands
Like a masterpiece
Of Your picture-perfect plan

When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory

One day I'll stand before you
And look back on the life I lived
I can't wait to enjoy the view
And see how all the pieces fit
One day I'll stand before You
And look back on the life I've lived

Cause You're already there
You're already there
When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there..................

Christmas 2011

Jesus is Our Ark

Ok, so I promised back in November that I was going to start sharing about the judgement that is going to be poured out on this Earth in the not-so-distant-future.  As believers in Jesus Christ, we will not be here for this judgement.  Jesus is our Savior and he is going to save us from this terrible time of calamity and death.  We will escape these things.  As believers we do not have to endure the wrath of God!  It is reserved for those who choose not to believe on Him.  God gives us every opportunity to turn to Him and be saved.  It is not His will that any should be lost.  If any remain for this period of tribulation, it is by his or her own choice!!  God doesn't send anyone to hell.  We put ourselves there by denying Jesus Christ.  He is the narrow path that leads to LIFE!!!!!!!!!! 

Do you remember the story of Noah from the Old Testament?  Noah and his family were the only righteous people left on Earth.  The Earth was filled with wickedness.  God decided to destroy the inhabitants of the Earth with a flood.  He saved Noah and his family along with 2 of every animal by keeping them safe in the ark.  They floated above the flood waters until the waters receded.  Jesus is our ARK! :)

The details I will be sharing will be coming from my study on the book of Revelation..the very last book of the Bible..and my use of a Bible Study Commentary by J. Vernon McGee.  The purpose of my sharing is to make you aware of the events that are to come and present to you that Jesus is our REFUGE and STRONGTOWER from the impending storm!  You have a CHOICE and do not have to be left behind for this judgement unless you choose to be.  The world today is being controlled by Satan (as it has been since the Fall in the garden of Eden) and the enemy of our souls is lying to us.  He wants us to believe that all roads lead to heaven..that if we are pretty good people and live a decent life that God will let us in the pearly gates.  The truth is, entrance into heaven has nothing to do with us and everything to do with Jesus.  It's all about believing in Him and what He did on the cross.  None of us will ever be "good enough" to earn our way into heaven.  God is so holy and perfect...we can never do enough good to get in by our own merits.  Our best is filthy rags to him!  A dirty menstrual cloth.  It is by HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS that we can join Him in heaven.  When we believe on Jesus His righteousness is transferred to us!  Phew!  The pressure is off.  I just have to believe and rest in Him.

So...much more to come..

Parked at Five

It is the Lord's will that our family is to be steady with 5 children for a while longer...we found out on Friday that we are going to be unable to move forward with our adoption until some issues get worked out in our current family.  The Lord prepared my heart for this but at the same time it is difficult to face!  God has put the desire on my heart for more children and it is hard to have to keep waiting.  Zachary is three years old now and the gap between him and a new addition to our family is ever-widening but I rest in the fact that God is writing our family's story.  God has a plan for The Stephenson Family and it is a better plan than I could ever think up!  God's ways are so higher than our ways.  So I will take it day by day and surrender the disappointment to the Lord.  I am trusting in Him and relying on His strength and love.

Judgement Is Coming

In the not too distant future (only God knows the day or the hour) God's wrath is going to be poured out on this planet.  I never would have anticipated writing about end times but when you are a lover of Jesus and pour over His Word, it's all right there to uncover.  In the book of Revelation, the last book of the Bible, God lays out what is going to happen in the future.  Jesus is going to be coming back soon for His bride, the church, and He is going to remove the church from the world before His judgement is poured out.  As believers, we have not been reserved for wrath!  It is not God's will that ANY should perish, but His free gift must be received.  Jesus loves us and while we were sinners He died on the cross for our sins.  God is holy and perfect and without sin.  He cannot be in the presence of sin.  When Adam and Eve sinned by eating the fruit that was forbidden, there was a problem.  We could no longer be in God's presence.  God made a way for us...He loves us so much that he gave his only son to die on the cross to pay the price for our sins so that we could have a relationship with Him.  The price has been paid (he took our sins upon Himself and died in our place) but we must RESPOND to what Christ did for us.  We must believe on Him and accept Him as our personal Savior.  God draws us to Him and works in us to believe on Him for salvation.  I became God's daughter in 2001.  I am praying that every person reading this blog has salvation in Jesus Christ.  I am going to be writing in upcoming posts about what I have learned from my study of Revelation..what this judgement is going to be like that is going to be coming upon this Earth.  I pray that if you haven't accepted Jesus that you would reach out to His hand of mercy and grace that is already outstretched to you! :)

We Are Almost There...

Yesterday our adoption social worker, Blythe, came to our house to complete our home inspection.  She also did an individual interview with me and also sat down and talked to the kids.  She had the girls draw pictures of what our family was going to look like after the new baby was here.  She asked Antonis to fill out a 3 page questionnaire.  The home inspection was mostly looking around and making sure that our home is safe and that we have room for another child to live here.  If we get a girl, she will go in the girls' room and we will get two sets of bunkbeds.  If it's a boy he will go in Zach's room.  We had to go out and buy a fire extinguisher which we didn't already have.  We also had to get some additional child locks for where we keep cleaning supplies under the bathroom sinks.  In 40 days, God willing, we will be approved and put on the waiting list!  So it will be about a week before Christmas.  Blythe has 30 days in which to submit a report to her supervisor and then the supervisor has 10 days in which to approve our paperwork to adopt!  That puts us at about Dec. 19th.  We are adopting through their newborn adoption program but we have specified that we are willing to accept a child anywhere from birth to 2 years old.  Occasionally they do have children that are older that come through their office for adoption.  We are also open to any race or health condition.  We will see who the Lord has in mind for our family.  We are trusting that God will equip us to handle whatever child He has chosen for us!  Annalise is turning 5 this upcoming Monday and Zachary will be 3 on Thanksgiving.

Enjoying The Fall

School & Fieldtrips

We are on a new homeschool schedule now where we only do school lessons 4 days a week.  God started tugging on my heart about it and I finally decided to obey and make the change.  It gives us a free day to do fieldtrips and for me to get planning done for the upcoming week.  The weekends go too fast!  I like to enjoy the weekend and not have to eat it up doing more homeschooling preparations.  The new 4 day school week will extend our schoolyear through June (instead of being done end of May) but it will be well worth it to have a less stressful school year.  That is one of the great things about homeschooling....the flexibility we have!   

We made it to the Children's Museum a few weeks ago!  The kids still love it so we renewed our annual membership.

One of those days...

Today has been a long one!  It's one of those days when I wonder why I am in the process of adopting and why I even have the number of children that I have! :)  But then I couldn't imagine life without each and every one of them...I love them dearly but it's overwelming at times. 

By about lunchtime the kids had gotten a decent amount of schoolwork done and they piled out the door to climb the tree in the front yard.  Antonis, Karisma, and Annalise love to climb high..Kalista stayed on the ground with Zachary.  I didn't really feel like going out so I just kept checking on them from the window and let them have some fresh air while I stayed inside.  Finally after a while I went out there to check on things and Karisma was digging a BIG hole in the grass in the front yard!!!  The grass that we pay hundreds of dollars to put chemicals on and aerate and overseed.  I was livid.  What would make her think it was okay to do this??? 

I feel like a referee many days.  It can make my head spin. 

Praise the Lord..we had our first Halloween outreach last night.  The kids passed out tracts with our Halloween candy that told people about having a relationship with Jesus.  It was exciting.  We also have started a neighborhood Bible Study every other Friday night on the book of John.  We will be meeting this Friday.

Today We Went To Kings Dominion

We took our last trip of the season to Kings Dominion today.  I had taken the girls for their birthday in the beginning of June and this time was Zachary's 1rst trip ever and Bob was there too so it was a special blessing since it was all of us (except Antonis is at his Dad's house).  We had a great time together!!  The girls love the Scooby Doo Roller Coaster.  It's now called the Ghoster Coaster or something like that, but back in the day it was the Scooby Doo so it still is to me!  Bob took turns taking each of the girls on it.  Kalista and Karisma were afraid to go at first, but then Anna went on and they couldn't let their little sister show them up!  Zacky had a fit everytime Daddy left to take one of the girls on the roller coaster.  I had to convince him he was coming back, etc.  He is so attached to his Daddy.  I was feeling the temptation to have Bob watch all 4 kids and to go off on one of the insane roller coasters but it never materialized.  It would be fun to go some day just Bob and I and ride coasters all day long.  We ended up leaving the park around 6:30ish because at 7pm Haunt was starting.  It's sad to see how evil has permeated so much of this world we live in.  It's just getting worse and worse.  As we were leaving and seeing all the people coming in for the Haunt I felt like yelling out to them..turn around..go back!!  So many are lost.




 

We're Getting Closer..

Things are moving along with our adoption process!  Bob goes in for his individual interview with Blythe (our adoption social worker) coming up on Oct. 10th and our Homestudy and my individual interview are scheduled for November 10th.  Before Christmas we are hoping to be on the "waiting list" to adopt a baby. 

Here's a couple more pics of the current pre-adoption crew! :)

Mmmmmm..homemade ice cream!  Antonis loves it..(vanilla)

Cute Picture

It's the whole crew!  From left: Zachary (almost 3), Annalise (almost 4), Karisma & Kalista (7) & Antonis (13)

I AM ENCOURAGED!

2 Corinthians 7:6 (Amplified Version- my FAVORITE!) says, "But God, Who comforts and encourages and refreshes and cheers the depressed and the sinking, comforted and encouraged and refreshed and cheered us by the arrival of Titus."

Well MY Titus arrived today in the form of my neighbor Claire!!!  She has graciously offered to help with our homeschool moving forward this year and it was such an unexpected blessing to me from the Lord!  She is a stay-at-home Mom with a sweet one year old son named Lliam and her and her husband Luke just moved here over the summer from Washington State.  They are originally from California and were involved with Calvary Chapel on the West Coast.  They used to attend CC Costa Mesa and even sat under Chuck Smith's teachings!  They sought out our Calvary upon moving here so not only are we neighbors but we attend the same church!!  It has been such a blessing to have them move into our "backyard".  They live in the house directly behind us.  God is so GOOD.  He has plans for our lives.  It's hard in those in-between times though when things are rocky and we don't know what the plan is.  Just hang on.  Joy comes in the morning.

Family Life

Today was Kalista & Karisma's first day of ballet classes!  They were very excited.  I haven't really encouraged them with lessons of any sort but Kalista came to me about a week ago and was absolutely dying to try ballet.  So naturally Karisma wanted to do it with her so we signed them up through the county.  Antonis was gracious to take a picture of me with the kids!

Zachary has been trying his hand at painting...

Antonis is back in Fall Baseball for his 4th season.

                            Annalise is just having fun being toted along to everything.  Her time will come!

Daddy Bear and his cub

Exciting Day!!

The kids and I took a trip over to Bethany Christian Services this afternoon to submit the remaining paperwork that comprised our formal application for our adoption!  It is exciting for things to be moving along..next we will have 3 interviews with our social worker.  One will be a conjoint interview with both Bob and I and then we will each have a separate interiew with her.  After the interviews we will have a home study where the social worker comes out to our house and meets the kids and makes sure our home is safe and has room for another little one. 

I am filled with joy anticipating what God holds in store for us but at the same time my head swims with everything we have going on here already!  God is teaching me to continue to rest in him and not to measure the success of my day by the world's standards.  The perfectly clean and tidy home, straight A's on the kids report cards, everything checked off the to-do list...it's just not necessarily what God has for my day!  It's more about being right with God and fulfilling His purpose for each day...not mine.  He is definitely preparing me for this sixth child to enter our house!!!  It's a big step.  God is with us!

What a week!

It's amazing to walk with the Lord because you can be so much closer to God than you used to be but He is always calling us closer.......we have begun a very challenging school year and the remedy is to press in closer to Jesus..to get into the Word MORE!!  The remedy is not to quit homeschooling and send all the kids to school because it's getting hard.  I have instituted a new course to our lunchtime meal which is a reading out of the book of Proverbs.  We are moving towards feeding our children 3 courses of spiritual food each day.  Jesus is the answer to all of our struggles.

The Lord continues to teach me that I am to follow His lead each day and not anyone else's.  It's so easy to be in that perpetual state of feeling like you are "behind" and not enjoy the moment.  Always racing to the next thing and not having alot of fun in the process.  He is teaching me to rest in where He has me and to not put any yoke upon me that is not of Him.  There is such peace in resting in Him..it is such a delight and brings such joy and contentment.

Our Pretty Daughters

Anna Banana

Kizzy Wizzy

Kalista Wista

Pictures!! Yay :)

We finally have our camera back from Nikon...it broke during our TN trip only a couple weeks after we bought it and I waited all summer on it getting repaired.  So now we will be able to add pictures again to the blog.  Praise the Lord!

Thankful

The storm came through on Saturday/Sunday evening with no ill effects for us and the sun started to shine on Sunday morning.  I was expecting alot worse from the news reports.  We had a storm last Thursday that was worse than the weather we got from the hurricane!  I know for other people there was damage though and I am grateful to be spared.  Life is beating down on me hard enough in other areas. 

Waiting on the Hurricane..Gazing on Him

Well we are all here waiting for the storm to start.  The sky is grayish-white (kinda looks like it does when it's going to snow) and there is light rain and wind..nothing much happening yet.  I am comforted knowing that God controls the storm!  He is in charge of the wind and the rain.  If we get through this unscathed we will praise Him!  If the basement floods, we'll praise Him!

Just Some Humor..

Earthquakes and Hurricanes and Homeschooling, oh my!  Earthquakes and Hurricanes and Homeschooling, oh my!

Whose Slave Are You?

As I struggle to keep up with my homeschool curriculum and get all the things done that need to be done in a day I ponder, whose slave am I?  Am I a slave to the My Father's World curriculum?  Honestly, on most days, it would appear so.  This cannot be!  I am only to be a slave to God.  Nothing in my life should be mastering me or directing my footsteps over God.  It's easy to fall into a trap..to begin to be led by something that God himself even brought to you!  Clearly it was His hand that brought this curriculum into our lives but He doesn't want me to lift the curriculum higher than Himself.  The curriculum is a guide but He is my ultimate Guide.  I need to be sensitive to the Spirit and remember that my kids are continually learning..whether they are doing their curriculum or not!  God help me to remember this again tomorrow.  Help me to keep my peace and joy and not allow anything to master me except your gentle loving hands.

Homeschooling, Earthquakes & Jesus

Well we have been back to school a little over a week now and the routine is in full swing.  I am trying to figure out how to juggle all the demands of teaching a kindergartener, (2) 2nd graders and providing accountability to an 8th grader...and was stressing out a bit yesterday when my body called for a bathroom break.  As I was sitting on the throne, the house began to shake!  At first I couldn't figure out what it was and then as the shaking and noise got louder it was obvious that it was something very large and coming from beyond this house!  At that point I started to freak out and I quickly jumped off the toilet and got out of the bathroom to find the kids..but then it was over.  We opened the front door and a couple of the neighbors were out and talking about it.  It's really crazy when your life can feel out of control emotionally..when things can feel unstable..but to have the ground beneath your feet moving..well that is really nutts.  I am so glad that God is in control of the days of my life and I am resting in the fact that he holds the lives of me and my family in his hands.  It was a humbling to experience the "shake" and it reminds me that I need to be about my Father's business.

Matthew 24:3-8 says,
As he sat on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to him privately, saying, "Tell us, when will these things be, and what will be the sign of your coming and the close of the age?"  And Jesus answered them, "See that no one leads you astray.  For many will come in my name, saying, 'I am the Christ', and they will lead many astray.  And you will hear of wars and rumors of wars.  See that you are not alarmed, for this must take place, but the end is not yet.  For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom, and there will be famines and earthquakes in various places.  All these are but the beginning of the birth pains.

The earthquake reminds me that Jesus is coming back and His return is imminent!  We need to be ready and the most important thing in our lives is our relationship with Him.  Being right with God is of the utmost importance!  He is coming back on the clouds to take His church with Him.  The church are those who believe in Him..and those left behind are going to see a period of time on this Earth that is worse than the World has ever known. 

If you need to accept Jesus as your Savior, click here: http://www.ccfredericksburg.com/pages/about-us/need-god.php

Back to School!!

Today was our first day back for the new school year.  Antonis is 8th grade, Kalista and Karisma 2nd grade and Annalise is Kindergarten! Zacky will be playing alot and participating in crafts and stories.  We are excited about a new school year...I think Antonis was even a little excited..we are studying different countries and cultures of the world this year.

Cry Out to the Lord!

One thing that I am learning lately is that the Lord hears our cries and He knows every tear we shed.  Life can be so difficult and there are times when we just don't understand what is going on with a certain situation we are facing.  We get to these places of frustration or confusion...and we start questioning...Lord.. are you really doing anything here??!!  And He wants us to cry out to Him.  He wants us to passionately seek Him.  This is more than just a little prayer I am talking about here (though He hears those too)..but He wants us to cast our burdens on Him and just lay it all out at His feet.  He can take all of it..our anger, our disappointment, our inpatience...just cry out!!  Find that quiet place where it's no one but you and Him and just empty yourself of all your bottled emotions....He is listening and He will answer.  He is faithful.

Summer is Flying By..

Well homeschooling will be starting again on August 16th.  Our pool will be open until Labor Day though so we will try to continue getting there at least once a week!  It has been alot of fun this summer taking the kids there.  Everybody enjoys it and I have a decent tan.  I have even managed to read a little bit on the breaks while the kids eat their snacks.  Right now I am working on a book on adoption that we are required to read to understand more about the process..it's called Successful Adoption by Natalie Gillespie.  It's written from a Christian perspective and includes scripture references and other cool stuff.  I am enjoying it.  I am also reading Power Perfected in Weakness by Chris Klicka which inspires me with every chapter I read!!!  It's about a homeschooling Dad who had MS and was in love with Jesus.  He had a gift of evangelism and he shared Jesus wherever he went.    

I will be turning in our packet of adoption paperwork this upcoming week!  The next step is an interview with our social worker which probably won't take place until late in August.  There are several other couples who are at the same point in the process as us so there is going to be a short delay.  I am ok with that though- I know that God is in control of the delays and they are all part of leading us to child God has for us.

Adoption Training Day!

Today was a great blessing to us.  We sat through several speakers at our adoption training and we finish up tomorrow.  The training was so encouraging..we heard from many different people..two of the people  had been adopted as children and a family came in that has adopted two children.  We also heard from an attorney and a Bethany social worker.  The testimonies were amazing.  I am in awe of the parallel between the concept of adoption and how God adopts us into His family when we accept Him as our Savior.  At the point of salvation, we become His adopted son or daughter and we get all the privileges of being an heir of Christ!  Incredible.  All the promises in the Bible are ours and His riches are ours when Christ becomes our Father.  I am still asking Him to show me what this all means!

We learned so much today.  One of the biggest things with domestic adoptions these days is that they are moving towards more of an "open relationship" rather than a "confidential, closed" situation.  There are varying degrees of openness..the minimum requirement by Bethany Christian Services is that we provide pictures and a letter about our child once a year for the BirthMom.  Many families are going well beyond this though and keeping in touch via email and even having visits with the biological family.  It was stressed how important it is for a child to know their story about where they came from- whether it was a good situation or a bad situation- they need to know (always on an age-appropriate level)!  Children can often carry a misconception that they weren't loved if they were placed for adoption but the opposite is true- it is out of great love that a Mother sacrifices raising her child in order to find a better family situation for that child. 

Another point that was made is that it is important not to share with others all the details about your child's birthstory until the child knows first.  It would be painful for the child if they learned any of that information from someone other than their adoptive parents.  It was suggested to start telling them the story from birth (at that point- it's more for the parents to get comfortable sharing it, rather than the baby!) but it sets in motion that sharing of truth about where they came from.

One of the speakers spoke on parenting and he explained that one of the important parts of disciplining our children other than boundaries and consequences is setting a good example in the way we conduct ourselves.  We've all heard this before but WOW! that really popped out at me and I know God had that for me to hear.  If my behavior is lacking self-control and I am acting undisciplined, what am I teaching my kids?  Ouch.  I get exasperated watching my daughter with her drama-infused-displays of emotion and I am literally watching myself played out!  God help me. :)

There are 40 couples on the waiting list with Bethany right now in VA.  We are getting ready to start making our family profile which is like a scrapbook about our family that will be shown to the BirthMoms that come through the Bethany offices.  There are three offices in VA.  Our profile will be shown at all three offices to the Moms who match our criteria.  We also have the option to put our profile online so that Moms in other states could see us too.  This is an exciting process!  I am so comforted knowing that God knows exactly who are baby is and holds all the details in His perfect plan for our family.  I am so glad He is writing our story.

Beginning Our 9th Year Together

Tuesday was our 8 Year Anniversary!  We celebrated with flowers, cards, and a piece of German Chocolate Cake (Bob's favorite).  We have special plans for the weekend along with our adoption training.  I am looking forward to it all.

8 years of marriage blows my mind!  I know that God is the glue that is holding us together.  We have grown so much in Christ together since we got married.  I was very young in the Lord when we said our marriage vows (only about 2 years old in the Lord)....it is a blessing to look back at all the Lord has done....7 new children...4 here with us, 2 in heaven, and 1 to be adopted..  It is exciting to think of all He is going to do!!   I am amazed at the husband the Lord has given me.  I am so blessed.

Never Can Get Enough

I don't know when this started to happen but I'm in this place where deep down I just don't feel satisfied...there is a hunger for more of God but an inability to be completely quenched.....it's like I'm at the service at church and I don't want the worship to end...........the Word is opened and I don't want it to close...........I could go on there forever...but we must eat..and we must sleep..and these bodies are so weak.  And many things need tended to.  But if only we could stay a little while longer...

The War Raging Between The Spirit & Flesh

Being a Christian isn't easy..following Jesus is a dying to self daily....saying no to our flesh and yes to the Spirit's leading in our lives.  Before I came to Christ life was a mess and I was on my way to hell, but it seemed more simple.  I was dead in my sins and lived by my sinful nature.  It completely controlled me.  When I accepted Jesus at 26, his Holy Spirit came and took residence inside me..I can no longer sin like I used to..when I do, I grieve the Holy Spirit and He convicts me to stop..to go another way...His light doesn't mix with the darkness.

The thing is..that sinful nature or what is called the "flesh" will never be gone until we go to be with Jesus if we believe on Him.  And so there is a daily struggle and I want to please my heavenly Father but there is that pull from the flesh that tries to drag me away.  Our flesh has a hearty appetite that seeks to be satisfied in many different ways.  In the end though we will be hungry again..Jesus is the only One who can completely satisfy the longings deep within us. 

We need Him every day to walk out this Christian life.  We can't even be Christians without God's help.  He is the author and finisher of our salvation and everything in between.  He is waiting each day to give us more grace.  He wants to help us in our times of need.  Sometimes our flesh is so strong and we can't bear up from under it.  Maybe we don't even want to.  But that is when we need to fall on our knees to our heavenly Father and ask Him to give us the desire to not satisfy our flesh and to only please Him.  He will do that in us!  He is stronger and more powerful than our sin nature and if we run to Him, He will give us a way out.  As a Christian, I am no longer in bondage to my sin nature so I don't have to live anymore like I am!!!!!!!!!

He is so faithful.  He is our strongtower.  He keeps us from falling into a snare.  He gently guides us and warns us.  If only we will listen to his still, small voice...and not ignore him.

What Are We So Afraid Of??????

One of the hardest things about being a Christian is to share the good news about Jesus with the people in our lives.  We shrink back from it because we are afraid of rejection..or maybe we aren't that emotionally close with someone in our lives and talking about where they are spiritually is deeper and closer than we want to be or go with them....it all points back to us focusing on ourselves and our own discomfort.

But Jesus wants us to fix our gaze on Him and not look at anything else.  He wants to tear down the walls in our lives and He wants us to share our relationship with Him with others so that they will believe and be saved!!  Lord, please give me boldness with my dear neighbors...people who you love and died for and need your grace in their lives!

Here's the words to another Casting Crowns song that resonates in my heart today:
*************

HERE I GO AGAIN

Father, hear my prayer
I need the perfect words
Words that he will hear
And know they're straight from You
I don't know what to say
I only know it hurts
To see my only friend slowly fade away

So maybe this time I'll speak the words of life
With Your fire in my eyes
But that old familiar fear is tearing at my words
What am I so afraid of?

'Cause here I go again
Talkin' bout the rain
And mulling over things that won't live past today
And as I dance around the truth
Time is not his friend
This might be the last chance to tell him that
You love him
But here I go again, here I go again

Lord, You love him so, You gave Your only Son
If he will just believe; he will never die
But how then will he know what he has never heard
Lord he has never seen mirrored in my life............
***************

Lord, give me the grace to live for you today...to burn brightly for you and please burn away anything in me that is not of you--please crucify my flesh--as painful as it is--please remove it.

Ripples Emanating from Tennessee...

Something profound I have been pondering are the ripples that are emanating from that week Antonis and I spent in TN with the team from our church.  It was only one week of our summer but the lives that were touched, the new relationships that were formed, and the changes in our hearts will go well beyond that week.  Knowing God there will be ripples that will go on into Eternity.

Besides God calling me out of my comfort zone since I have been back, He has also given me this incredible HUNGER for more of Him!  One morning the hunger was so strong it was painful.  I am thirsty for Him and feel parched and dry...I need more of His living water!!  It's time to be on my face in prayer..to fast...to read and read in His Word until I hear from Him again!  God is so faithful..if we seek Him He will satisfy our desires for more of Him.  He does not leave His children hungry.

Jesus says, "Come To Me"...

Each morning the first thing I read is that particular day's devotion by Oswald Chambers from his book My Utmost For His Highest.  They are short readings but very deep and often I am completely stumped and don't even understand what he is trying to say.  But today's devotion really spoke to me..it resonated in my heart with what God has already been showing me.  Here's what he wrote:

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Where sin and sorrow stops, and the song of the saint starts.  Do I really want to get there?  I can right now.  The questions that truly matter in life are remarkably few, and they are all answered by these words- "Come to Me."  Our Lord's words are not, "Do this, or don't do that", but- "Come to me." If I will simply come to Jesus, my real life will be brought into harmony with my real desires.  I will actually cease from sin, and will find the song of the Lord beginning in my life.

Have you ever come to Jesus?  Look at the stubbornness of your heart.  You would rather do anything than this one simple childlike thing- "Come to me."  If you really want to experience ceasing from sin, you must come to Jesus.

Jesus Christ makes Himself the test to determine your genuineness.  Look how He used the word come.  At the most unexpected moments in your life there is the whisper of the Lord- "Come to Me," and you are immediately drawn to Him.  Personal contact with Jesus changes everything.  Be "foolish" enough to come and commit yourself to what He says.  The attitude necessary for you to come to Him is one where your will has made the determination to let go of everything and deliberately commit it all to Him.

"......and I will give you rest"- that is, "I will sustain you, causing you to stand firm."  He is not saying, "I will put you to bed, hold your hand, and sing you to sleep."  But, in essence He is saying, "I will get you out of bed- out of your listlessness and exhaustion, and out of your condition of being half dead while you are still alive.  I will penetrate you with the spirit of life, and you will be sustained by the perfection of vital activity."  Yet we become so weak and pitiful and talk about "suffering" the will of the Lord!  Where is the majestic vitality and the power of the Son of God in that?
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This devotion really speaks to me..that I need to keep coming to Him.  That my eyes must remain fixed on Him.  Since the trip to TN the Lord has been calling me to do some new things..to make some changes.  Much of it is out of my comfort zone.  If I stare at the waves, I can become immobolized.  I must gaze at Him...it's the only way..I must keep watching Him standing there with His hand reaching out to me.  I'm coming Lord...

Everything's Electric

Electric...that is the word that comes to mind when I think of my life in Christ...it's like the electricity is turned on and there is a current running through my veins.  I feel ALIVE...I feel like my life has purpose...I feel satisfaction deep in my soul...

And the electricity is running through my marriage too..because my husband is also plugged into the energy source ...and then God does this beautiful thing and He uses us for His purposes together...and then our marriage is alive in Christ too!  What an amazing thing.

Learning To Trust Him More

God is doing a good work in my life right now!  He is putting things on my heart and teaching me to obey Him.  Often times it's so hard to do..it's wonderful when we hear the Lord's voice and KNOW that He has called us to something specific.  The hard part comes with walking it out.  We start to get hit with thoughts that question our decision and it can be tough to follow through with what the Lord wants us to do!

God clearly confirmed to me last Wednesday that he wants me hanging with the youth on Wednesday nights for the summer.  I had that peace that passes all understanding and knew it was His will.  Yesterday night was a little more difficult..I am definitely out of my comfort zone!  My son attends the youth group but I am certainly not going to sit right beside him.  He is 13 and definitely heading down the road to manhood.  So I sat on the other side of the room and just soaked up the scene.  There is alot going on with the young people and the Lord has already put a few of the girls on my heart.  I am just wondering how I am going to be able to reach them?  I am going to just have to keep my gaze fixed on Him.  If He called me here, he will open a way.  It's just hard to see it right now.  But God sees it!  He sees it all..the beginning from the end.  So amazing!

Time to Grow

The TN trip has led to some exciting changes in our lives.  For one, Antonis has more of an understanding of what it means to serve others.  In the week since we've been back God has provided a couple of opportunities for him to be of help to other adults in our lives.  I have a new perspective too- older kids need to stay connected with the family as they get older.  I know they grow and mature and become independent but God has an important role for them as they grow up.  For example when I go to a friend's house for a playdate with the younger kids; he needs to come with!  The younger kids love him and the other grownups can minister to him.  He can be a blessing to the other family too. 

The Lord also confirmed to me that he wants me over with the youth group on Wednesday nights at our church.  I know that God used the TN trip to soften my heart towards the youth.  He showed me that the youth are hungry for God and need to be discipled.  They need Godly influence in their lives.  God wants to use me to reach them for Christ...to share my relationship with Jesus.   

Jesus Changed My Life..Again

My heart can hardly contain what God is doing in me.  My life changed during the trip to TN and as each day goes by I am making different decisions and responding to situations and people differently and feeling different!!!!!!!!!!!!  The difference is the Lord.  When we are obedient to His calling and step out of our comfort zones He meets us there and we are forever changed.  I keep asking myself..ok..how long is this going to last..when are things going to revert back to what they were???  But the truth is..things are not going back!  I am in a new place with my relationship with Jesus and it's for keeps.  His Spirit is flowing through me in a new MIGHTY & CRAZY way and I don't ever want it to stop.  It's been so overwelming at times (lots of emotions and tears..unable to eat) but I know that God is enlarging my heart and this is going to be my "New Norm".  Praise be to God!!!!!!!!!!!! 

God is SO POWERFUL...........these bodies can hardly fathom or contain his greatness.  If we were to behold Him in all his POWER & MIGHT in these physical bodies, we would immediately DIE.  These bodies cannot handle Him in his complete radiance.  I can only imagine what it will like to have my glorified body and to walk and talk with Him.  O God...it will be an amazing day.  The day I live for.  The day I hope for.   

CONFESS SIN+ACCEPT JESUS+READ HIS WORD+PRAYER+OBEY HIS CALLINGS+CONNECTED WITH OTHERS=ABUNDANT LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Same Song, Different Response

I like to listen to worship music when I am getting ready in the morning doing my hair and makeup (on the days I actually put it on..) and the most amazing thing happened this week.  I was listening to my Casting Crowns cd that I have listened to so many times and I got to the song called Voice of Truth and I had a totally different response to the song compared to listening to it before!  The song is definitely my theme song from my trip to TN.  I feel like I lived the song and so it touched my heart so strongly this time I heard it.  Here are the words:

Voice of Truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again, "Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again, "Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From the top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus

Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

I love this song with a passion!  The kids must think I am nutts..I have been playing it pretty loud in the car and singing at the top of my lungs.  Jesus is waiting for us with an outstretched arm.  He wants to carry us out of our comfort zones and show us how to walk on water.  He wants to do mighty things through us.  We are weak and He is strong.  We must rely on Him!

Home With a New Heart

Well I am back to the routine of my daily life, but I am changed.  God definitely did surgery on my heart out there in Tennessee and now I am back with a different perspective.  I feel the need to simplify my life....to get rid of the clutter and spend more time reading the Word, praying and telling more people about Jesus.  It really puts it in perspective seeing homes with the only thing left being the concrete slab where the house used to lay.  I heard stories of people finding parts of their neighbors bodies in the fields.  I can only imagine. 

God is the only thing keeping us each alive and it can all be taken away in the next breath.  He knows when our number is up and until then, we need to live abundantly and without fear, courageously!  We need to allow the Lord to stretch us and do things outside of our comfort zone.  Pretty soon then we are comfortable with that thing that was so outside-the-box for us and then He will propel us to the next height.  God has such an awesome plan for each of us. 

Many Blessings..

So back to yesterday...I got to spend time with Tammy and then two of the young men on our trip- Seth and Josiah showed up where I was and I introduced the guys to Tammy's son Matthew.  We were able to spend part of the afternoon with him and Seth talked to him about his relationship with God.  Afterwards we went back together over to the property where the rest of the men were working at and then the most amazing thing happened!  The owner of the property was working with our team and then Josiah boldly asked the owner if he wanted to study the Bible with us...so we had an impromptu Bible Study right outside- Josiah, Seth, me, the owner (Dave) and Antonis!!  We read from Thessalonians and each took turns reading.  Dave ended up reading verses about the Rapture of the church so we were able to discuss that with him and the Lord worked through Seth and others to speak truth to the man.  It was incredible to experience God working through these young men!  I am so blessed to be here. 

Today Was The Most Awesome Day!

Today was a mountaintop experience here on our trip.  I was seeking the Lord heavily last night and asking him to make my will His will..............for me to get out of the way and for Him to do what He wants to do through me and not what I want done...the Lord is so faithful.  As I was trying to go to sleep and was talking to God he put on my heart that he wanted me to go back to the "Open House" today and spend more time with a lady named Tammy that I had met yesterday.  I was really concerned about going there alone though.  I wanted to have someone with me.  Jenny here at the church spoke such truth to me this morning though..she told me that God is stretching me and there is a reason I am the only girl on this trip.  He wants me to trust Him and nobody else! 

So for the second day in a row I was dropped off alone at the "Open House" and I found Tammy sitting alone waiting for me!!  (She didn't know she was waiting for me but God orchestrated it!)  We spent some time getting to know eachother and it was a blessing.  So much more happened today..will write more later..

Tough Trip

This trip has been rough for me.  I know the Lord called me here but I keep getting discouraged and wondering what I am doing here!  I have learned from the time here already that I am a true girly-girl.  Often times I think I am tough because I lift small hand weights but I am totally not.  I don't like getting dirty and I don't like to get my feet muddy either.  I also don't like my bookbag to have dirt on it!

Today I was dropped off at a place called The Open House which is a spot in Apison, TN.  They provide meals for tornado victims, provided by local restaurants.  They also send teams out to help people with their property.  I spent time this morning talking to a family that live right next to the Open House.  They lost their home in the storms and are living in a camper while their home is being rebuilt.  At lunchtime Mark picked me up and I went back to the "mountain" where the men were working and made sandwiches for them and helped out for the afternoon.

The guys have made so much progress!  So much has been cleared and there was alot of good interaction today with the owner.  He didn't have to work today so he came out and worked with the guys and they had some fun together throwing logs down the hill.  The goal is to get all the cut down trees to the bottom of the hill, beside the road so that they can be picked up.  We were able to pray with the owner at the end of the afternoon as the rain started falling and it was a blessed time.  I spent some time talking to him too and he was actually on a business trip during the storms and missed it.  When he got back into town though he said that the first thing he was concerned about was the people..it wasn't the material things.  We can always replace our stuff but people can't be replaced.

We have been showering at the YMCA which is several miles from the church in the heart of the city.  I feel kind of silly walking into the Y covered in dirt.  It's good to get clean! 

My camera broke yesterday and I am so bummed.  So all I have now to offer are my words.

Please pray for me- I need encouragement!

Until tomorrow...

Visit with Mary

Today I was blessed to meet Harry & Mary Dewitt who also live in Ringgold, GA.  Mary is suffering from a severe case of shingles on top of all the problems that the tornado left behind.  Please pray for her!  We spent the day together and I enjoyed my time with her. 

The men continued their work on the property from yesterday but they also had a Bobcat to help with the work.  It rained in the afternoon though and it ended up getting stuck in a ditch.  They met the owner of the house and were able to pray with him.  Antonis hacked and hacked on a tree with an ax and has some pictures on his blog.

Tomorrow I am going out to a place called the Open House to help serve people in the community. I am told that it is a place where they serve food and other things to people in need. I'm not really sure what to expect but trusting the Lord!

We had severe thunderstorms tonight and it was a little scary.  The power went out and we ate our dinner in the dark by flashlights!  Here's hoping a tornado doesn't come while we are still here. 

Ringgold, GA

The Calvary Chapel Team made it safely to CC Chattanooga yesterday evening.  The church here is wonderful and we are sleeping in the toddler and infant classrooms.  Antonis and I are specifically sleeping in the room for 0-6 month olds.  I feel right at home with all the baby equipment!   Today we went out to Ringgold, GA to help a man with clearing his property.  His home had minimal damage but all the property behind his house was cleared by the storm back in April.  What a mess!  Trees everywhere. 

It was a tough day- it felt like 100 degrees and I spent my time grabbing branches and limbs of trees off the ground and putting them over by the side of the road so that they can be picked up later in the week.  It was slow moving work and with all the devastation I felt like I was barely making any difference.  The men were working with power saws and cutting down trees that were still standing, yet many were bent and twisted.  Antonis had a blast trying to knock down several trees with an ax.
Here are some photos of the afternoon:

    This last picture is our little tent that we would sit under to get relief from the sun.  Tomorrow the men are going back to this same property to continue clearing land.  I am going to be going with Jenny who is Pastor Darin's assistant and she is going to take me to visit with a retired couple, Harry & Mary, who live in Apison who's retirement property was destroyed in the storms, though their house is in tact.  I am excited to meet them.

Getting Ready for Tennessee

We leave early at 7:45AM tomorrow morning for our trip over to Calvary Chapel Chattanooga.  Bob and I went out last night to Good Will and found some brown work shoes for me to wear.  They have good traction on the bottom and will protect my feet well.  At first I thought I was going to be working in the kitchen alot of the time preparing meals but we found out that the church out there is going to provide our dinners so I only will have to help out with breakfast and lunch for 11 of us going from my church.  I'm not sure how the Lord will use me during the day but I'm prepared to help out in any way!  I'm not afraid of doing the physical work as long as I am able.  I'm really hoping the Lord will provide people I can talk to and especially LISTEN to that have suffered through the storms. 

In my quiet time this morning the Lord gave me some beautiful scripture:

Nehemiah 8:10 Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!

Acts 3:19 Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.

Psalm 116:13 I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord. 

Fun Pics

These were taken back in the winter but I wanted to share because they are so fun and bring me joy!

God is SO TRUSTWORTHY

I have been going through an amazing time with the Lord over the past week or two where I keep facing sets of conflicting circumstances where there is a problem and I don't know how to solve it, but then God comes in and totally takes care of the situation without me doing ANYTHING.  I have started documenting the occurences because there have been so many in such a short period of time that I am clearly seeing that God is trying to teach me something. 

For example, when I first heard about the trip to Apison, TN with church, I thought it was going to be the second week of June..that was the week of the HEAV convention and I knew I couldn't go on the trip and miss the convention I had already paid for.  That was a major conflict because God had put the desire to reach out to tornado victims on my heart and I couldn't understand why it was going to fall on a week that I couldn't go!  Then lo and behold..the trip got changed to the 4th week of June and I had absolutely nothing scheduled for that week!!  Thank you Lord!!

Then I was totally stressing because we started our summer schedule last week and I forgot about one of Antonis's appointments that we normally go to every Tuesday morning.  The office called and wanted to charge me a $65 no-show fee!!  That was upsetting considering we have been there faithfully for almost 6 months and have been patient with the office as they have gone through changes that have inconvienced us in the past.  I totally did not want to pay that money (what a waste of the money God has entrusted us with!) and they told me that my son couldn't come to his next appointment until it was paid.  So that was looming and then lo and behold..I get to the appointment and the gal we work with totally understood where I was coming from and said she'd talk to the owner to work it out!  Thank you Lord!

Then today we faced another dilemma...this trip to Apison, TN has been planned for a couple weeks now and we found out that my son's ALL STAR baseball team was going to be having their practice/game week the same week as the trip to Tennessee!  So now we had to decide which he was going to miss and we decided it would have to be the baseball.  He was really disappointed but we knew God wants him to be there on the trip.  So we spent the evening with him grumbling and complaining and then lo and behold..Bob gets a call from the coach late tonight saying that they moved the ALL STAR week to July.  THANK YOU LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

And these were just a few of the things that I have come up.  There are several more to the point where I had to start journaling it all.  The Lord is telling me that I need to trust Him in the circumstances of my life.  He is in control of everything and He has a perfect will and often times the best thing to do when there is that problem situation is to just sit still and WAIT ON THE LORD!!!!!!!!!  Not sit still and stress...or sit still and worry..but to sit on your knees and cry out to God and tell Him you don't know what to do but you know He does and that you will wait for Him to show you the way!  He can move mountains.  He can change impossible situations.  He orchestrates all the details in our lives for our GOOD.  It might be painful but in the end, it's best.

Outta My Comfort Zone & Loving It!!

Our trip to Apison, TN to help tornado victims is fast approaching..we leave Sunday morning at 9AM from the church!  It's funny the thoughts that go through your mind after you've committed something to the Lord.  My flesh would rather stay home and stay snuggy in my own bed.  There are so many unknowns about the trip and it makes it a faith walk.  I just have to trust that God is calling me there and He has "good works" planned in advance for me to do there.  Divine appointments with people I've never met before...I am excited and scared at the same time!  This will be my first outreach trip and the first for my son too.  I'm glad we are able to go together.  I just gotta keep my eyes on the Lord and not look to the left or the right.

My Happy Bunch!

Homeschooling Convention- Friday & Saturday

Bob and I were blessed this weekend to attend the Homeschooling Convention in Richmond together for the second year.  Antonis went to his Dad's house and Amanda came over to stay with the younger kids.  It was a great time..it's called a homeschooling convention but it truly was like being on a "retreat" together to get closer to God.  The Lord spoke many things to my heart this past weekend. 

One thing He reminded me is that God is the one that does the work in my children's hearts.  I am not responsible for how close they are to God.  Sure, I need to be diligent in sharing my faith with them and teaching them about God, reading the Bible and praying together..but the Lord is the one that does the work in their hearts!  If my child is sold out for Christ I can't take the credit for that.  I also am not to condemn myself if my child is not walking in the light.  The Lord is in charge of all and has a plan!  If the Lord saved me, He can surely save each one of my offspring!!  He can save ANYONE!!!!!!!!

He also spoke to my heart about how there is no certain curriculum that is the answer to drawing my child closer to God.  There is so much stuff out there and there is a tendency to think that a certain devotional book or particular product is going to work miracles..but again..it is only God that changes the heart through prayer and his word.  Again, I need to be diligent to get my children into the Word but because I don't have the latest character building study on SELF-CONTROL or PATIENCE does not mean my child is not going to develop this fruit.  Same thing with buying DVDS on improving your marriage or helping your relationship with your child, etc.  The Lord is the one that does the work and He is not bound to any particular product.  He may choose to use one of these resource in our lives if it's getting us into His Word but the bottom line is that Him and His Word is all we need!!!!!!!!  I hope this makes sense!

God Answers Prayers!

Today I was so blessed to spend the morning with my friend Heidi and her children.  It had been a long while since we had seen eachother.  A while back, I had hurt her unintentionally, and it hurt my heart.  I prayed to God for her and our friendship.  The Lord is so faithful..she has been reaching back out to me.  I hope she will keep her heart open wide so that we can enjoy all God has planned for our friendship.

I know how hard it can be when a friend wounds you.  Your flesh just wants to shut the other person out and not allow them to come back in and possibly hurt you again.  God doesn't want us to hunker down though and protect ourselves- He is our Protector and He wants us to trust Him with the situation.  He loves us and has a plan to prosper us and not to harm us.  He wants us to turn to Him with all our hurts and mend us so His love can continue to flow through us.

In 2 Chronicles Chapter 30 it describes a time when the Israelites were turning their hearts back to the Lord under King Hezekiah.  In verse 27 it says, "Then the priests and Levites arose and blessed the people; and their voice was heard and their prayer came up to [God's] holy habitation in heaven."  I'm here to tell you that God still hears our prayers today!  He is in the business of healing relationships that are broken.  He softens hearts.  Thank you Father.

God Meets Us

I've been thinking today about God's mercy and goodness and how He meets us where we are at when we turn our hearts to Him.  The girls have their papers on the counter from Sunday School and it shows the vicious cycle the Israelites in the Old Testament of the Bible would go through with their walk with God... 

• IDOLATRY/SIN/REFUSAL TO REPENT
• GOD PUNISHES THROUGH OPPRESSORS
• ISRAEL CRIES OUT & REPENTS
• GOD HAS PITY & DELIVERS!

It is the same cycle we go through with God today.  It's so easy to put something higher than God in our lives- a hobby, a job, a friend, a spouse, our children.  God will allow pressing circumstances into our lives to get our attention and turn us back to Him.  The great thing is that no matter where we are or what we've done, God is right there waiting for us.  There is nothing we have done or anywhere that we've been that is too far for his love to reach.  His blood is so precious it removes ALL our sins.   He just wants us to humble ourselves and seek His face.

Psalm 91:15 says "He will call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him."  Also Proverbs 8: 17 says, "those who diligently seek me will find me."

Antonis Has A Blog Too!

Check out the link to Airsoft Assassin on the right and that would be the work of my oldest.

Enjoy

Eyes on Him

I just love the stories in the Old Testament of the Bible..they are so rich in application for our lives today.

Yesterday I was reading in the book of 2 Chronicles (following the Gideons Daily Bible Reading Calendar) and I learned about King Jehoshaphat, the King of Judah, and the time when a great multitude of men came to make war against him.  2 Chronicles 20:12 says, "O our God, will You not judge them?  For we are powerless before this great multitude who are coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are on You."

I just love the abandonment and surrender to the Lord that is shown here!  So many times in our lives we find ourselves at those crossroads where we don't know what to do.  Something is mounting against us and we are afraid and don't know how to handle it.  God has the answers to all of our struggles and difficulties we are facing in our lives.  Actually, He IS the answer.  He just wants us to surrender our burdens to Him.  To lay them at His feet and let Him take it from there. 

What does it mean to put our "eyes on Him" or to "gaze at Him"?  To me that means to focus on God and not on our circumstances.  It means to pray to Him..read His Word..to spend time thanking Him and praising Him.  He wants to hear from you.  You are so precious to Him.  Look up!